Thoughts from Freedom

It's been really long.
Like 6 months long. Toronto Winter Long.
Damn.

 “It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.”
– Anaïs Nin

This post is dedicated to the time I thought I could adapt to the 40hr work week.
This is not a rant or a rebellion, just straight up honesty.
I couldn't do it and I'm not ashamed.

Some would blame the job, the company or the schedule. (Which were all horrible in themselves)
But it was more then that, it was the idea that I was wasting my time.

Everyday I said it would get better, that I should be grateful, that I was responsible and that this,
THIS, is what I wanted. We could lie to the world, but lying to yourself is a whole different ball game. One you lose at, constantly.
I wanted to die daily.

Over the course of three months I became a cynical, despondent, exhausted little troll.
My days off were devoted to recovery to a job that, not only destroyed my entire day,
but also loved destroying my days off. 

I needed to like my job, and besides the people I worked with, it felt like paid slavery.
Slavery with a smile. Possibly the worst.

So I quit, well 2-weeks notice quit. I gave it a solid 3 months.
It was actually the best feeling in the entire world. Actually
It had to be right if it felt that good, no?
It kind of felt like this...

 Or this..

Maybe this,

   

BUT WHAT WILL I DO NOWWWW?!!!!???? OMGGGG??!!!!???

That fear and panic I hear in the people who I tell makes me want to scream. Real Loud.
(Do you have a backup plan? The job market is really rough! Have you been looking?etc.etc. )
Some, NOT ALL, love projecting there fear on to you, the fear you never feel but society kind of reminds you that you should feel.
You know that fear?

I understand, I get it, a girls gotta eat (and shop and drink) but it's obnoxious. Save it.

I'm a grown women. I've been here. Millions of times, but this time I'm prepared and
I don't feel like jumping to desperation but flowing with my intuition.
Fear nothing but fear itself.

So what's the plan you ask...

 Thanks for reading,
 Love you all!